The Pressures of Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring…
Many of us around the world count down the days until Christmas. Family reunions, lights, laughter, hugs, singing, food, presents and SO much more! However, for many Autistic people Christmas can be a sensory and social overload.
We are often expected to give Aunt Mary a hug who we haven’t seen since last Christmas, to eat odd foods we never encounter until the holidays, open presents with gratitude while the lights from the Christmas tree flicker in our face and Uncle Paul is in the background singing Jingle Bells off key.
For an Autistic child or adult, all of these experiences can be over stimulating, stressing and cause large amounts of anxiety...
So, what are some things we should take into consideration as we prepare for family gatherings in the coming days to help support our neurodivergent loved ones?
1. Maintain Consistency and Keep Routines:
a. We know Autistic people thrive off routine and consistency. This is one of the hardest parts about the holidays. There is NO routine. Work schedules are different, school is on break and there are so many extra events thrown into the day. One very straight forward thing to try and include is to stick to a regular schedule as much as possible. Maybe this means instead of rushing out of the house, you keep to your regular morning routine. Even if this means you are out of the house 45 mins later than you had hoped.
2. Listen to Your Sensory Systems:
a. These sensory systems are screaming at you for a reason! If something is painful, stressful, uncomfortable, or destressing, listen to your body! Make any of the required changes to your environment to help and don’t feel guilty about it. It is ok to wear sunglasses to dim the flashing lights or pop in ear plugs to drown out the noise.
3. Know Your Social Limit:
a. We all have one! My social limit is very different than my Fiancés and that is OK! And it is no different with our Autistic kids. They have a limit too. And these can change day to day and environment to environment. Be in tune with your child and adjust as needed. Maybe showing up earlier before the rush of everyone else arrives and leaving early, or vice versa will keep their social gas tank from depleting.
4. Schedule Down Time:
a. This is so important. For many the holidays are the recharge we all need. However, for our Autistic children it can be the one thing that causes their gas tanks to run on fumes. A simple break away from the crowds for an hour might just be all your child needs to feel refreshed and rejoin the group.
5. Communicate:
a. Whether this is your child communicating with you how they are feeling or you communicating with your family about how they could help, or why you need to slip out early, talk it out! At the end of the day, those who care for you and your little one(s) are going to be understanding and try to do all they can to make the holidays enjoyable for everyone.
6. Plan and Prioritize:
a. Make a list of the people who you must absolutely see this Christmas. The others can wait until the new year. Small gatherings can be just as important and special. And if someone cannot empathize and understand your “why” maybe they don’t make the priority list (sorry, not sorry!)
7. Throw Away All Expectations:
a. Things may go exactly as you have planned, or completely different. But regardless let go of your expectations. Expectations put unnecessary pressure on yourself and family and it won’t help. Do what works for you and your child. If they hug Aunt Mary great! If they don’t… who cares!
8. BE KIND:
a. That is all. No explanation. Just be kind…
Whether this is your first Autistic involved Christmas or your 5th, it is ok to grieve the vision of Christmas you had in your head and how drastically different that may look now. But embrace the change and enjoy getting to experience Christmas and holidays through the lens of our most loved Autistics. Roll with it, pour yourself a glass of wine (or 3) and relax-ish.